Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Upsizing - The Down Side of It

I have not been dedicated to my health and fitness plan for some time now. 

It's weird how weight kind of sneaks up on you.. Each little bit you gain doesn't seem like a big deal, but all of a sudden BAM! You have reached the point where there are major problems. 

I hit that point today. I was trying to find something to wear and nothing was fitting. I started to panic a little - then I went to the scale. 

Last year at this time I weighed around 138-140 but I was doing crossfit so I was pretty lean and muscley. 

This year I weigh TEN POUNDS more than that. Most of the weight is sitting awkwardly around my stomach and inner thighs. 

All my "skinny" clothes I bought over the last 2 years no longer fit me. 

Now that spring has arrived here in Arizona, I can no longer hide under my layers of loose winter clothing. 

I am heartbroken that I let myself get this far. That I let myself go and stopped working out. 

I'm sad that I spent SO LONG to get where I was, and I wasted it away in about 4 months. 

I'm just so darn busy with school, and I'm having a CRAZY hard time balancing everything. 

I've also always been an emotional eater, and that was something I was learning to control when I was taking better care of my body. 

My wedding planning has been such a nightmare - worse than any cheesy wedding movie I have ever seen. 

I have never felt so stressed and lost in my whole life,  and I have definitely been turning to food as a release to make me feel better. 

I have made up so many excuses as to why I should be able to eat whatever I want and why I have no time to workout, I could not even list them all. 

I am writing this post as a cry for help... to myself and from the people around me who support me. 

I feel like I have "hit rock bottom" as they say - and I want desperately to get back to where I was. 

Not even the weight... I want to get back to that healthy and happy mindset. I want to get back the feeling of comfort I felt in my own skin. I want that feeling of accomplishment and awesomeness after finishing a hardcore workout. I want to get my life back! My healthy life! The one where I was training for a triathlon, I had proudly run a spartan race and I had been known by all my friends and classmates as the girl that does crossfit and eats gluten-free. 

I need a serious priority check and I need it quick. I feel like this is the 3rd post now where I've written about how I've let myself go. I'm hoping this is the last one!

Here's to change. 

A change in diet, a change of mindset, a change of priorities and a change of spirit. 

I know what I want and I know how to get it, I've done it before!