Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Upsizing - The Down Side of It

I have not been dedicated to my health and fitness plan for some time now. 

It's weird how weight kind of sneaks up on you.. Each little bit you gain doesn't seem like a big deal, but all of a sudden BAM! You have reached the point where there are major problems. 

I hit that point today. I was trying to find something to wear and nothing was fitting. I started to panic a little - then I went to the scale. 

Last year at this time I weighed around 138-140 but I was doing crossfit so I was pretty lean and muscley. 

This year I weigh TEN POUNDS more than that. Most of the weight is sitting awkwardly around my stomach and inner thighs. 

All my "skinny" clothes I bought over the last 2 years no longer fit me. 

Now that spring has arrived here in Arizona, I can no longer hide under my layers of loose winter clothing. 

I am heartbroken that I let myself get this far. That I let myself go and stopped working out. 

I'm sad that I spent SO LONG to get where I was, and I wasted it away in about 4 months. 

I'm just so darn busy with school, and I'm having a CRAZY hard time balancing everything. 

I've also always been an emotional eater, and that was something I was learning to control when I was taking better care of my body. 

My wedding planning has been such a nightmare - worse than any cheesy wedding movie I have ever seen. 

I have never felt so stressed and lost in my whole life,  and I have definitely been turning to food as a release to make me feel better. 

I have made up so many excuses as to why I should be able to eat whatever I want and why I have no time to workout, I could not even list them all. 

I am writing this post as a cry for help... to myself and from the people around me who support me. 

I feel like I have "hit rock bottom" as they say - and I want desperately to get back to where I was. 

Not even the weight... I want to get back to that healthy and happy mindset. I want to get back the feeling of comfort I felt in my own skin. I want that feeling of accomplishment and awesomeness after finishing a hardcore workout. I want to get my life back! My healthy life! The one where I was training for a triathlon, I had proudly run a spartan race and I had been known by all my friends and classmates as the girl that does crossfit and eats gluten-free. 

I need a serious priority check and I need it quick. I feel like this is the 3rd post now where I've written about how I've let myself go. I'm hoping this is the last one!

Here's to change. 

A change in diet, a change of mindset, a change of priorities and a change of spirit. 

I know what I want and I know how to get it, I've done it before!



  1. You can do it!
    I seriously felt somewhat the same just yesterday. I was feeling like utter shit, because crap would be putting it lightly. I just got in this funk and didn't feel like doing anything other than stuffing my face or laying around. And then last night I was like geezus! I need to get my butt in the gym. AND it hit me! I feel like crap when I'm not making healthy life choices. I feel like crap when I'm making excuses. I feel like crap when I'm doing stuff that is a waste of my time. And the only cure is to make the tiniest of steps in the right direction. I felt soooo much better after that workout. It was just what I needed. I feel good when I finish a workout. I feel good when I go for a run. I feel good when I get my school work done. I feel good when I do the things I'm supposed to. Each one of those little things helps me stay on track. And I sit here typing this, Why on earth do I ever do the things that make me feel like crap? Why wouldn't I just ALWAYS do the things that I know are going to make me feel good? It's a struggle. And sometimes I slip up. But I think it's about finding that happy 90/10 ration of good things/bad things? Making sure that that one slip up doesn't become 10 in a row.

    I know I don't really know you, but you can do it girl!! You've done it before and you can do it again and then some!
    If you want an accountability partner or just someone to talk to, you can always get a hold of me over on my blog or email me.

    1. Thanks Girl! Your response to my post means so much to me! That was really hard to write, I am so glad to hear I am not the only one that struggles. THANK YOU for the kind words and motivation! You made my day!